Friday, June 29, 2007

Doctor Check In

This morning I went back to the doctor for a blood draw to check on my red/white blood cells and platelets. Right now should be the lowest point since chemo a week ago, but God continues to bless, and my levels were very good, only a little anemic. I have a week to go before the schedule says my hair comes out, and I bought fabric for three "do-rags" today. One red/white/blue (I hope I feel well enough to go to the Smiths' annual 4th parade), one lime green and lilac, and one with FLAMES!!! Yes!!! Okay, D will only let me wear that one at home probably, but I have to express my inner rebel.
S is going to a girls' purity conference tonight and tomorrow. I just dropped her off. I hope she enjoys it. I'm sure she will once she relaxes, but she winds herself up so tight that she about has a stroke whenever she's trying something new. K heads off for a mission/work trip tomorrow, so for a space of a few hours, we will be girl-free.
On Monday is our 19th anniversary, and we are headed out for steak. I am craving red meat, barely cooked, still mooing, chunk of flesh. I'll put the potato, etc. in a doggie bag probably because I still can't eat too much at once or I get major acid reflux, but I am looking forward to gnawing on MEAT. I've eaten so much fruit this week I feel like Chiquita Banana. I know, the advice is to eat lots and lots of fruit and veggies, but I make a lousy vegetarian.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Okay, five days from chemo....

After five days, the drugs are finally beginning to wear off. The worst was the prednisone they gave me, which made me a quivering, focusless mess. I know it was supposed to suppress reactions, but it makes me nuts. The compazine they gave me to keep the nausea down made my eyes so blurry I couldn't read or watch TV without massive headaches. Right now, I'm dealing with acid reflux from everything I eat, and menopausal sweating and shaking. Jeez. Oh, and the predisone means I'm not sleeping. Not able to really concentrate on anything else, just not sleeping. Zombie-eyed, shuffling, moaning...pretty much dawn of the dead stuff.
Just today I've been able to pull it together enough to go to Sam's and buy large amounts of grapes and Naked juice, and cross-stitch a little. Pretty pathetic, when the most I can handle is grocery shopping. So, those of you with chemo experience, how do you handle the heartburn and discomfort when you eat?
I have a pattern cut out for a double sided chemo do-rag...trying to get ready for when my hair falls out in a week and a half, according to their schedule. I'll start with this soft French blue, something innocuous to start with, before I become rebellious.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Thought provoking questions...

How many keys are on your keychain? 5
If you were given a canvas and watercolors, what would you paint? nothing that would be recognizable since I have no talent
What do you regard as the most repulsive form of music? gangsta rap
Whose mind, besides your own, would you like to control? The President of the USA
What is the most dangerous occupation? firefighters
What is the first thing you do when you get out of bed? put on my glasses
What do you consider the greatest threat to mankind? the old self ruling people's desires
If you could project yourself into the past, where would you go? 1860's Southern Belle
What are you thankful you're not doing right now? cleaning my refrigerator
What is your favorite kind of candy?chocolate
What is your favorite thing about the beach? shells and tiny crabs and stuff
If you were invisible, where would you go? in courtrooms and surgeries
What is one object in your home that you are embarrassed to own? ratty old sofa
Fill in the blank; When I dance, I look like _an ostrich________.
Who is one person you wish you'd never met? Kirk Deverick
What is your favorite fruit? bananas
What is your favorite kind of cookie? my own peanut butter, m&m oatmeal cookies
If you were an evil dictator, where would you rule?Canada
What do you need to get right now at the drug store? cuttlebone for Shiva
What song do you keep hearing over and over again? R E S P E C T
What was the happiest age of your life? last ten years
What is your favorite piece of clothing that you own? comfy jammies
What two words describe your lifestyle? laid back
If there is a hell, where is it? in the lake of fire
Which ocean creature fascinates you most? octopus
On a scale of 1-10; how religious are you? 10
What historical figure would you most like to have a discussion with? Robert E. Lee
What color looks best on you? red
What is your favorite thing about being sick? curling up in solitariness
What's new? my tiny little peach-face lovebird
Why are you here right now? 'Cause the laptop is in the livingroom.
What commercial do you find most annoying? Head on Apply Directly to the Forehead!
What was your favorite meal growing up? cow tongue
If you had to spend the rest of your life in one place, where would it be? Colorado
Fill in the blank; I am so much smarter than ___most people_____.
What one person or thing reminds you of the 80s? my wedding pictures
What is college really good for? learning to be independent and responsible
Where is the most beautiful place you've ever been? Alaska
What body part aches you the most right now? joints
When is the angriest you've ever been? when my husband was disrespected in a former church.
What do you waste your time doing? reading and crafting
On a scale of 1-10; how much do you trust people? 5
If you were forced to choose your own death, how would you die? in my sleep
On a scale of 1-10; how photogenic are you? 2
What aspect of your personality could use a little work? patience and tenderness
What is your greatest addiction? reading
What issue are you sick of hearing about? global warming
If you were a professional wrestler, what would your ring name be? The Terminator of Teaching
What language would you like to master? German
What is your favorite dish at a Chinese restaurant? Moo Goo Gai Pan
Who would you least likely expect a phone call from? my sister Lori
What is the longest you have ever gone without a shower? four days (in the hospital)
What is the saddest movie you have ever seen? The Notebook
What time do you usually fall asleep? 10 -- 11
Where is the worst place to be stuck waiting? standing up somewhere without a book
What is the cutest animal on Earth? baby anythings
Name one celebrity that has no right being a celebrity. PARIS HILTON
What hobby have you always wanted to pick up? knitting or crocheting (I'm so klutzy!!)

Well...I'm crushed

After a week of lovely beach surfing, and visiting great places, we came back to take a CAT scan on Monday. Then on Tuesday, David and I arrived at the doctor's office fifteen minutes early, packed to the gills with potential time-wasters, and I was very nervous. Then the bomb dropped. Dr. V said that the CAT scan had shown that the cancer had grown in my abdomen, and had even spread up to my left collarbone, and under my armpits. Instead of being stage 2A, I am now stage 3. He even said that I had the worst of all possible worlds : a form of cancer that cannot be cured (only put into remission), and that it has morphed into an aggressive form. I cried uncontrollably for an hour. All I could think of was Mina...laying there, skin and bones, suffering miserably. They were very kind there, and shuffled me of to a private room, where they hooked me up to an IV to start my first treatment: Rituxin, which is the anti-body stuff. They gave me IV Benadryl and other stuff first so that it would help my body not to reject the medicine, which meant that I spent most of the six hours there with my eyes closed, or rolling in loose motions, and drool hanging out of my mouth. God is good in the midst of bad : I have had NO side effects from this first treatment. Thank you Jesus! Today I went for a test on my heart to make sure it is strong enough for the very aggressive chemo they want to give me Friday. I am scared spitless at this point. What next???? The very nice nurse asked me if I had asked Dr. V. for my prognosis. I said no. I don't want to know right know. Please pray for faith and confidence for me, and that the Lord takes away this fear. I cry at the drop of a hat, and I don't know what to do.

Friday, June 8, 2007

I'll Never Be Ready On Time...

So...all the doctors have given the green light to our vacation to Myrtle Beach, starting TOMORROW. Gulp. All right...I've done tons of laundry (actually, the kids have to haul the clothes up and down the stairs, since I can't lift anything), and I bought toothpaste. Other than that, I feel very unprepared. Katie's bf will be watching the house, since he's not afraid of the Rottie, and she accepts him, which she does very few males these days. But. The house is still a mess, and I have very little energy to deal with it, since the surgery. I need to make a list of things for him to do: feed the cats/dogs/bird, water the plants....
Thank God the storms missed us -- they all went north. The only casualty was one of my banana pepper plants, which was snapped off by the wind. We could have definitely used the rain, though.
I'm really looking forward to seeing the ocean,but I don't think I'm looking forward to the trip there. Too many hours in a van, too many people in a small space. And I will definitely learn to post pictures, so you can share the beachy goodness. :)

Friday, June 1, 2007

Gotta Get Ready

Well, I was back at school today for about 5 minutes, saying hello to lots of people, picking up the kids' report cards, and signing my contract. Woohoo! I have a job!! I asked about my schedule, and most of it is old stuff: 7th Science, 6th Science, 9th English, 8th English, and...German two days a week/Drama two days a week.
So lots to do and prepare to make drama into a curriculum, with assignments and etc. I will be doing German Bible verses, but I promise they'll be short (Jesus wept. :) ) After all, the Bible was first printed in Germany!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ha! Let's see the Spanish teacher keep up with that! Just kidding, Krista.
Jon's going to be doing Jam in the Park this summer, carrying his monster instrument around. Snigger. I'll have some time to sit in the park and read. Wondrousness.