Well...I'm crushed

After a week of lovely beach surfing, and visiting great places, we came back to take a CAT scan on Monday. Then on Tuesday, David and I arrived at the doctor's office fifteen minutes early, packed to the gills with potential time-wasters, and I was very nervous. Then the bomb dropped. Dr. V said that the CAT scan had shown that the cancer had grown in my abdomen, and had even spread up to my left collarbone, and under my armpits. Instead of being stage 2A, I am now stage 3. He even said that I had the worst of all possible worlds : a form of cancer that cannot be cured (only put into remission), and that it has morphed into an aggressive form. I cried uncontrollably for an hour. All I could think of was Mina...laying there, skin and bones, suffering miserably. They were very kind there, and shuffled me of to a private room, where they hooked me up to an IV to start my first treatment: Rituxin, which is the anti-body stuff. They gave me IV Benadryl and other stuff first so that it would help my body not to reject the medicine, which meant that I spent most of the six hours there with my eyes closed, or rolling in loose motions, and drool hanging out of my mouth. God is good in the midst of bad : I have had NO side effects from this first treatment. Thank you Jesus! Today I went for a test on my heart to make sure it is strong enough for the very aggressive chemo they want to give me Friday. I am scared spitless at this point. What next???? The very nice nurse asked me if I had asked Dr. V. for my prognosis. I said no. I don't want to know right know. Please pray for faith and confidence for me, and that the Lord takes away this fear. I cry at the drop of a hat, and I don't know what to do.